my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
