By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
