all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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