Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
