Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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