Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Never joke about your clitoris.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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