you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
