Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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