i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
