I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
