Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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