This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
