K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Randomize
