just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Randomize
