You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
