You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
