Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
