I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
