Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
