I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
