Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
