Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
