Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
