dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize