well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
