I'm laying in your front yard are you home
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You are the jesus of drinking
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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