I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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