Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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