I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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