The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
