No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
