I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
