I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
