I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
