it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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