i would punch a child for taco bell
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
