i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
