his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
