he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
