You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
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