Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
and she was petting her beer can
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
