There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
