So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
