No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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