You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
