Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
