I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
