Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
