We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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