for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
