my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
