fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Randomize
