What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
