I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
