I got chris browned last night
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
