So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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