It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
