I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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