I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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